Ask ARP: How do I (Should I?) confront my aunt about a racist e-mail? at Anti-Racist Parent – for parents committed to raising children with an anti-racist outlook
Dear Anti-Racist Parent,
A little background…
I’m white (actually mixed-race, but look 100% white) and I am adopted. (My adopted mom knows my ethnic heritage.) I married a woman that’s Puerto Rican and black, and we have a mixed-race daughter.
Now, my wife has gotten bad vibes from my adopted mom every now and then, but they’ve pretty much squashed that mess. Then today, an aunt of mine, on my adopted mom’s side, sends my wife a forwarded e-mail containing a racist “joke.” This aunt will be visiting town in less than a month and has expressed an interest in meeting my wife and child, but this e-mail has thrown a wrench into the gears of that whole deal.
How should we handle this?
On one hand, maybe meeting my wife and child would help to change the racist views of someone who has little experience with people of color, but on the other, she needs to know that what she did was not right and that it offended us deeply. Is there a way to balance a “teachable moment” with a validation of our hurt feelings? What would be a proper way to bring this up? Should we just avoid her (and the awkwardness that meeting up with her would surely bring)?
HELP!!!
